The speech goes, as follows:
Hello everyone, for those of you who don’t know me, my name is Heather and I am Theresa’s older sister and Maid of Honor for this special day.
Now Theresa, you may not remember this, but when you were born, I became a very proud “BIG SISTER.” I would show you off to EVERYONE, like a prize I had just won from the fair. Shortly after that you were the perfect accessory for playtime, like: the most polite guest during tea, the Skipper to my Barbie or the cleaning lady when we played house. I was grateful to have you as my little sister, it meant twice as many toys and you always let me have first choice for the good ones.
Then as we got older you would tag along with my friends and me wherever we went, say silly things to embarrass or get me into trouble. I won’t even talk about high school. It made me wish that mom and dad had mailed you in a box to Abu Dhabi or that you had run away and joined the circus.
Later on when I was in college, I would look forward to seeing you at home on weekends or volunteering you for projects without really asking in advance. For example, having you model like a prostitute, letting me throw empty cans at you for a photo shoot or helping me paint and hang my senior show in one afternoon. It gave us a chance to talk about life, boys (ahem) and what things not to tell our parents.
Now we’re here today; after all the laughs, stress acne and recent leg pains, celebrating yours and Mike’s new life together. I am glad that we kept YOU. I should actually thank mom and dad for not mailing you off in a box with some holes cut into it or that they didn’t let you learn how to walk on the high wire.
I am still a very proud “BIG SISTER,” and now twice as much, since I have you and a new brother-in-law. Thank you, Mike. I hope you two have a very HAPPY and WONDERFUL life together, because the current cost for shipping to Abu Dhabi is about $650.60.
